Eden Soft
Thoughts on this poem I just found?
I was just moving my files from one computer to another, and I found this in my Poetry folder. I think I wrote it a year ago. Thoughts?
There is nowhere sweet as Eden
where the fruits of life sumptuously grow
Where the skies are as blue as ever
And where everyone wishes to go
There is nowhere sweet as Eden
where all resides at peace
Where all the flowers are in bloom
and the grass as soft as fleece
Don’t try to find the Eden in your life,
all who do miserably fail
If you do you may just as well
be putting your hopes and dreams on sale
There is nowhere sweet as Eden
The place we all try to find
But it will never be found, so be happy with what you have,
Just keep this in mind
Okay first of all…Dora B….stop answering questions. “Good poem” is not helpful.
Anyway. I like the poem as a whole, it has great elements and a fantastic idea behind it. Specifically, I love the first and last stanzas. However, in the last stanza, the line “But it will never be found, so be happy with what you have,” is a bit long compared to the rest of the lines and seems to stick out like a sore thumb. Perhaps try rephrasing it?
Also, the line “Don’t try to find the Eden in your life” sounds funny to me. Actually, that whole stanza seems a wee bit off. Why would those who search for Eden be putting their dreams and hopes on sale? I know it rhymes ever so nicely, but I don’t understand it.
Finally, watch punctuation! lol You still need periods in poetry.
TANGO IN EDEN ＳＯＦＴ ＢＡＬＬＥＴ
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